I hit another milestone this week – on Thursday.

On July 5, 2001 Lisa and I went to Vermont and got our Civil Union.

On July 5, 2004 we got married in Canada.

On July 5, 2012 we got married here in New York following the passage of the Marriage Equality act the year prior.  On July 7, 2012 we had our wedding on the farm.

On July 5, 2013 we had already been separated for two months.

Back then, I thought my life was over.  I remember thinking “I’m 58 fucking years old, how am I supposed to start over now?”

I was so hurt and angry and couldn’t get out of my head all that had happened. It was surreal, to say the least.

Today, I can go weeks without thoughts of her popping into my head. I’ve healed. I’ve moved on.

That it went horribly wrong isn’t the point here. That we had happy years together is.

Growth can be painful, and sometimes rather than grow together we can sometimes grow apart. I think ultimately, though, we tend to focus too much on the “It’s your fault,” or “She did such and such,” which makes us miserable, and less on “I remember when….”

There are good memories there. What happened to us does not define our time together, it merely describes the end. Sometimes I lose sight of that.