On the day that I posted this blog entry, a judge signed our divorce paperwork.  Ironically, that date is also the birthday of my ex-husband.

My lawyer’s secretary tells me that all that is left is to file it, and they will be doing that immediately.  She said I should have my signed and sealed divorce in my hands by Friday.

While this news makes me very happy, it’s also bittersweet.  I kept my retirement intact, I got the farm and the tractor, I got every single thing I wanted in this divorce, but in the end, there were no winners here.  Well, maybe the lawyers.  I know mine cost me just a tad under $6,000.  Lisa had her lawyer dick around with a lot of minutia and probably paid him a pretty decent sum as well.

I put the farm up for sale.  Early on I was very emotional about the farm – it represented all of our hopes and dreams that we’d made together.  I was so goddam mad at Lisa for destroying them, and I couldn’t even look up on the hill.  When I was there this past weekend, I felt no emotion whatsoever other than the fact that I truly love it down there just for its peace and beauty.  Hopefully it won’t turn into corn fields and it will be bought by someone who wants to live on it.  Not really for me to say and not anything I’d get really cranked up over, though.

The real estate agent told me yesterday that she has had all kinds of inquiries abut the tractor (we had put in the listing that it was available as an “add-on”).  It seems there is a lot of interest in compact tractors for home use these days, so I shouldn’t have any problems selling it.  One woman stopped by the farm Saturday to ask about it.  I told her that I think I need to hang onto it at least until the farm sells, so that I can keep the area around the barn, shed, and camper maintained so that prospective buyers don’t have to wade through weeds up to their necks to maneuver around.

I stopped off at AGL Homes on my way back home to look around and see what they have.  They apparently recently had an “event” and apparently sold quite a number of their display models.  I think there were only 5 or 6 for me to see.  I was particularly intrigued by one model called “Ashen,” but I don’t see it listed anywhere on their web page.  I may have to give them a call and ask them who the manufacturer is so I can study the plans.  I like the idea of selling the farm and the house, and buying a nice quiet place out in the country someplace where I can raise chickens, maybe a flock of Guineas, and maybe some sunflowers or something easy to grow every season.  It will be a while yet, so I have plenty of time to find theplace for me.

I feel bad that I didn’t get to see Rhiannon once this weekend.  Poor Evie had been sick, and I was busy most of the weekend.  We chatted several times via phone, but it’s not the same.  She’s been good for me.  I love her snarkability for anything and everything.  She keeps me on my toes, and makes me laugh and shake my head constantly.  She’s been the secret surprise through this whole thing.  I’m going to miss her terribly – sure, Buffalo isn’t all that far away, but still, I can’t just grab my keys and go whenever she summons me, as I have done so often.  Well, I can, but not as easily.  Of all the new people I have met since Lisa and I split, Rhiannon has been the absolute best thing for me.  Well, Rhiannon and my therapist.

And then there’s Joe.  Where would I be today without him?  I leaned on him a lot through this whole ordeal and, while I tried to hide my pain and not cry in front of him, I didn’t succeed sometimes, and he would just quietly come and put his arms around me while I cried.  He was very concerned about me in recent weeks when I wasn’t sleeping and had zero coping ability.  We’ve talked a lot about the divorce, Lisa’s infidelity, her lies, her stubborn refusal to do even one thing that was right without me (or my lawyer) having to threaten drastic action.  He told me that he was proud of me for standing my ground. He also told me last night that he was relieved and glad that I was able to keep the retirement for which I had worked so hard.

As far as the drastic actions, it’s interesting that I had to take them.  At one point she said her lawyer wanted her to go to court.  Now, either she was lying (which is most likely) or her lawyer was an idiot (which is also likely, given the letters we received from him that read like a 4th grader had written them).  And yet, when we filed a request for judicial intervention, she couldn’t get into her lawyer’s office fast enough to sign the agreement, in full, without any quibbling.  She had refused to that point to submit any financial information even though she repeatedly (lied and) told me that she had done so.  My guess?  She didn’t want me to know about her share of the house her mother had given her.  As it was a gift, and even though it was given to her during the marriage, it still wasn’t considered marital property anyway.  Why on earth would I want any part of that house?

The truth of the matter is, I would wager money that any good lawyer would have told her that, if we went the way of adultery (which was the route I was going to take had she not signed the agreement), she was going to end up bankrupt due to legal fees, and losing everything and still having marital debt to pay.  And she knew I could prove it.

It was a chess match.  Check and mate.

And so, this chapter ends and a new one begins.  I will be doing all the writing, and creating my story the way I want it to read.  Sure, I have “killed off” some characters, but I’ll be introducing and developing new ones.

Stay tuned.

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