Yup, I’m back on the Prozac.
No, it’s not because things got all crazy stupid with coffee the other day. I suppose I’ve been leading up to it slowly. Lots of anxiety brought on by environmental factors at work, not sleeping right, blood pressure’s back up again. Lots of things. So I saw the doctor today and she suggested another round of Prozac.
I’ve been off it for more than 2 years (hardly seems possible) but for the two years I was on it, things just seemed to improve dramatically. Better living through chemistry, I suppose.
Back then, I expressed some concern with the doctor that I might have some symptoms of depression — no passion for the things I loved, lethargic, not sleeping, weepy, vicious mood swings, stuff like that. Some of it had a lot to do with menopause — which I still struggle with. But more than anything else, what concerned her was when I half-laughingly told her I wanted to gut my boss and hange his entrails from my car antenna.
I didn’t get to that point this time, but I still longingly yearn for that type of respite. Probably explains why I love Dexter so much — he embodies (and acts on) all my darkest thoughts.
Along with the Prozac is a two month course of Prilosec (generic). My guts are a mess — burning, churning, roiling, gurgling, nauseating. It’s been a couple of months now since I could eat anything and not suffer on some level.
Since Christmas I’ve been working my way through all 3 seasons of Dexter. I adore this show. I love Dexter’s self-deprecation. Masouka’s perversions. Battista’s gentleness. Debra’s foul-mouthed humor. Like when Dexter tells her that Rita is pregnant: “A roly-poly, chubby-cheeked shit machine? Are you kidding me?”
Somehow, her rude, crude, socially unacceptable manner is endearing. Perhaps I feel that way because I’m prone to dropping the “F” bomb here and there myself.
In conversation with Dexter:
Deborah on Lila: “I’m sorry Dex but she is gross. And pale. And nobody’s pale in Miami. She is obviously a vampire. A gross english titty vampire.”
Dexter: “You just described the perfect woman.”
And fussin’ at Dexter about why Lila is so obsessed with him: “Does your dick dance?”
Masuoka: Hey Morgan, wanna sit on my lap when we’re done and tell me what you want for Christmas.
Deb: And he’s back. No thanks, last thing on my wish list is a burning sensation when I pee.
I think that the characters have developed very well over the past 3 seasons. They grow, yet the essence of them doesn’t change. The story lines have been excellent, too. Completely unpredictable. Perhaps that’s what makes a hit show, eh?
Lisa will be home tomorrow. I figure the Ravens to beat the Steelers and possibly even the Cardinals beating the Eagles. Pennsylvania types are hoping for a “Turnpike Superbowl,” but I’m thinking neither PA team will make it. I’ve got a long weekend to get my brain wrapped around the Prozac again. We’ll get back to FlyLady things again.
And maybe — just maybe — things will get back to normal again.