I’m stealing the PSA idea from Patti-Cake today.  (PSA stands for Public Service Announcement)

To the manager at the local Wegmans store where I shop:

You’re an idiot.  Re-locating EVERYTHING in the entire store didn’t do shit along the lines of having people “browse” more.  All it did was piss people off and make them go to BJs or Sam’s Club to shop.  The prices there are better anyway. 

And if you think your excuse that you had to “make room for…” whatever the fuck you thought you needed to make room for was believable, you don’t give people credit for having any brains at all.  Any moron can see that what used to be in the front of the aisle on the left is now in the back of the next aisle on the right and there’s no way you’re going to convince them that this pattern was to make room for anything.

To the manager at the local Wegmans store where I shop:

Put down your crack pipe.  Your store is open 24 hours a day.  On Sundays between 10:00 AM and noon, all the churchgoing folk stop by the store to pick up weekly groceries.  It’s the busiest time of the whole week.  Why, then, would you choose Sunday mornings to stock your shelves when it could be done effortlessly between midnight and 6:00 AM when you might have a handful of people in the store?  A crowded store full of pissed off people trying to find where you relocated items while trying to navigate around your employees and their stock carts full of stock is a recipe for the grocery store version of road rage.

To the manager at the local Wegmans store where I shop:

If you insist on stocking shelves that are higher than 6 feet that the average height person can’t reach, then at least leave a fucking stool in the aisle so short(er) people can get stuff down.  I don’t want individual servings that are lower on the shelves — so low that a 3-year-old can reach them.  I want the family size items that are eight feet off the ground that I can’t reach.  Yesterday I had to climb the racks in order to reach what I needed.  Do you really want that liability, you asshat?

To the two employees standing in the middle of the aisle chatting:

Girls, you’re not quite blocking the whole aisle.  You left room for me to squeeze by and I had to go into the frozen food section and back out the other end of it in order to get around you. If you move about a foot to the left, you can block it so that NOBODY can get by you while you stand there talking about how Gina pissed you off last night.

To the woman I glared daggers at:

Yes, I was giving you a pissed-off glare.  When you stopped your cart right next to the stock cart and blocked off the whole aisle, that was bad enough.  But when you stood there and read the label on the product you were contemplating buying without any fucking clue as to how many people were standing there waiting patiently for you to move your ass out of the way, that showed real class.  Yes, I guess the world does revolve around you.

To other shoppers in general:

When I have to stop and look for a product, I stop my cart against the shelves as much as possible, on the opposite side of the aisle from the product, so that I don’t block the way for everyone.  But when you see me standing there, obviously looking at products on the shelves and then stop in front of me to look at the same products, don’t look so shocked when I tap you on the shoulder and say “Did it look to you like I was just standing here posing for animal crackers?”  Take a look around you and be courteous, if that word is in your vernacular.

To the lazy assholes that leave shopping carts in the parking lot:

Yes, they do have people that get paid to retrieve those carts.  But they HAVE to pay people to retrieve them because poeople like you can’t move your lazy ass the 20 steps to the cart corral to put your cart away.  Noooo!  Instead, you have to leave your cart wherever you last used it so that it’s in the way of people trying to drive through the parking lot or where a good gust of wind can grab it and push it into other vehicles in the lot.

To drivers in general:

Turn around and look behind you to see if there are any pedestrians behind you.  Just looking in your mirror is stupid — and when you back into a pedestrian with a cart, it’s your own fucking fault, not the pedestrian’s.  That lady didn’t push her cart into your car, you backed into her you dipshit! You need to LOOK!  What a concept!

I wish I could say I feel better now, but I don’t.  Maybe it’s time for Prozac again…