Can you fill this out without lying?
How would you know if I did?

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
My finger

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
I’ve kissed the bathroom MAT once or twice in my youth after a bender.

Where was your profile picture taken?
My dining room

Can you play guitar hero?
Meh

Name someone that made you laugh today?
Lisa, when I was goosing her and she said “I was trying to work up a fart for you!”

How late did you stay up last night and why?
If 10:00 is late, then that’s the time. Why? I stayed up that “late” because I wasn’t tired until then — duh!

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yep — in fact, looking to sell the house now and find something smaller and more “country-ish”

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Does being kissed in front of a burning building with windows blowing out count?

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
The one that’s not as far away as the others.

Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
Well, my ex and someone else’s ex became friends and then even got married so, yeah.

When was the last time you cried really hard?
I’m a tough ol’ bitch, I don’t cry.

Where are you right now?
In my living room

What bed did you sleep in last night?
The one in my bedroom?

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
A present

Who took your profile picture?
Ove Overmyer

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Most likely Lisa sleeping on the couch — I have an entire gallery of that.

Was yesterday better than today?
I don’t know about better but I do know that yesterday was before today.

Are you mad about anything?
That the difference in retirement now and 6 years from now is enough that I have to keep working for those remaining 6 years.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Absolutely

Are you a bad influence?
On who? Kids? Yep. Adults? Not so much. Cats? Probably. Trees? I’m pretty sure no.

Night out or night in?
Who am I with?

What items could you not go without during the day?
Coffee, Facebook, Lisa, food, wine, and most importantly, Prozac.

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
New cell phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx

How do you feel about your life right now?
I love my life.

Do you hate anyone?
Unfortunately, yes.

If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find.
Messages from other people. What were you expecting to find?

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Depends on what drugs they’re testing for. The standard THC or cocaine, yes I’d pass.

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Only when the word “perfect” preceded something else like “bitch,” “asshole” or “shit.”

What song is stuck in your head?
5210. Be a healthy he-ro!

Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?
Publisher’s Clearing House with a check for $20 million, apologizing for the late hour.

Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
Been there, done that. Was a grandma before I was FORTY.

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Eat. Breathe. Poop. Everything else is voluntary.

Do you think too much or too little?
Yep

Do you smile a lot?
Yep

Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone?
Dr. office calling to remind me of an appointment next week.

What was the last book you read?
Darkly Dreaming Dexter

Is there something you always wear?
Glasses. Nothing else is an “always.”

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Canning beets and turnips

Did you have an exciting last weekend?
I enjoyed last weekend, that’s all that matters.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Never.  I’ve crawled through the opening of a window, but never THROUGH a window.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Uh…no…this is my…er…natural hair color.  Yeah. Natural.

Are you wearing a necklace / Chain?
Nope

Are you an emotional person?
*sniff* Not at all *sniff*

What’s something that can always make you feel better?
Prozac

Will this weekend be a good one?
Every day starts out to be a good one, until you get out of bed.

What do you want right now?
House sold, new house bought, members for the CSA, world peace, winning lottery ticket, retirement, another beer

Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
Isn’t this a stupid question? Every woman in the world has worn at least one item of male clothing.

Have you ever worked in a food place?
Yes, it’s called my kitchen

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
Not a thing.

Does anyone know your facebook password?
Who thinks these questions up?

Did I lie?
Did YOU lie? Yes.