New York State’s highest court today dismissed the County’s appeal in our case.

Wait! Don’t get too excited yet.

There was the issue of damages and attorney fees that had not been resolved by the lower court(s) prior to the case arriving at the State Court of Appeals and so the Court bumped the case back down to the lowest level (Supreme Court) for resolution of those damages. It is my understanding that, once that resolution is effected, it is then sent back to the Appellate Court for affirmation. If/when the Appellate Court affirms the resolution of those items, THEN the county may apply for “leave” to be heard on appeal.

County Executive Maggie Brooks is quite perplexed, claiming that this decision leaves the county in a state of confusion regarding the court’s ruling and what she actually called “legislative” rules. What legislative rules she’s talking about, I’m not sure.

She tried to “soften” it today by saying that it wasn’t about the “people” involved in the case…just the law.

With Monroe County BLEEDING money, it would seem to me that Ms. Brooks would begin to consider actually RESEARCHING her outlandish claims about this sort of ruling costing the taxpayers a lot of money. Sandra Frankel gets it and told Maggie Brooks (via the protest on 2/25) that adding same-sex partners to Brighton’s employees’ benefits affected less than one percent of her budget.

More than 60 businesses in Monroe County see the beauty in same-sex marriages, even if it’s just from a dollars and cents standpoint, as was evidenced at the recent Newly Wed In New York Event. If Ms. Brooks has to shell out, say, 1% of the county’s budget for same-sex spouses, but GAINS hundreds of thousands in revenue for same-sex marriages that are being conducted in Monroe County and NOT going across the border, she’d see how lucrative same-sex marriage could be for Monroe County.

There are New Yorkers who want to marry their same-sex partners but who are holding out for the day they can marry on their own turf.

Studies also show that the GLBT community has a large amount of disposable income, which converts to revenue for wherever they choose to spend their money.

And right now, Canada is getting all that revenue.

Anyway, film at 6:00 here.

Local news stories here, and here.

I almost missed this one.

Mildred Loving, who took on the state of Virginia for the right to marry the man she loved died Friday. She was 68 years old.

On the 40th anniversary of the Loving v Virginia ruling which struck down laws in all states that banned interracial marriages, Mildred Loving issued this statement:

When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, DC in 1958, it wasn’t to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love, and we wanted to be married.

Nothing more really needs to be said, does it?

We didn’t get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there because the government wouldn’t allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love, and where we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who should marry whom.

When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn’t that what marriage is?

Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the “crime” of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed. The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.

We left, and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.

Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn’t have to fight alone. Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, “The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men,” a “basic civil right.”

My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God’s plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation’s fears and prejudices have given way, and today’s young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the “wrong kind of person” for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.

Newly Wed In New York was fantastic!

First, the bad news. We SO did NOT have any chance to take pictures, so we’re relying on any of you that were there to hopefully send us any pictures you might have.

Anyway…

We checked into the Hyatt Regency at around 11:00 Saturday morning.

We were assigned a room on the fourth floor, right next to the Health Club. Our suite was…well, SWEE-EET Spacious, luxurious and beautiful. A Murphy bed on the right wall when we first walked in confused us at first, since we thought that was our bed. And hey, it was LUXURIOUS looking! But, when we looked left, we saw the bedroom — a separate room.

So, we had two beds. Two bathrooms. A kitchenette with microwave and refrigerator. And, what was called, the “parlor.We called “Gabby,” the cinematographer that would be following us around for the day, to finish up the shoot for LOGO that had begun in March. She met us in our room and we just sat and chatted, catching up with Gabby’s pregnancy and her latest shoot on an Olivia Cruise.We started getting ready and, once mostly dressed, Gabby filmed us getting ready. We got in the car and went to the First Unitarian Church of Rochester for the Renewal of Vows/Commitment Ceremony.

We sang “Chapel of Love” on the way, with Gabby in the back seat filming our trip there. We arrived at the Church and were asked for interviews for the local news channels. Click here for one interview then click “watch video” under the picture. Click here for the newspaper coverage. We talked about the celebration of recognition of our Canadian marriage by renewing vows, and also about the reception that would follow later in the day.

Now, at this point, I have to qualify something. This was our fourth commitment ceremony. To recap, we had our Vermont Civil Union in July 2001. We were married in New Paltz, NY in March 2004. We were married in Niagara Falls in July 2005. But this was the first time I cried.

A few days before the ceremony, the minister, Scott Taylor (more about him later) gave us a “homework” assignment. Our assignment was to tell him, in 5-8 sentences, why we love our spouse/partner or why we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I thought to myself, “How on EARTH can I be so brief?” I mean, I can’t say hello to a stranger in 5-8 sentences, and he wants me to put into that short a paragraph why I love Lisa?

The idea, also, was that we could not see what each other wrote. We were not to share it with each other and were to hear it for the first time at the ceremony. Mine was the first one read. And, even though I KNEW what I’d written, it brought tears to my eyes hearing it.

Why do I love Lisa?

For a long time now I have defined my life in terms of “Before Lisa and after Lisa.” There’s a profound sense of safety, peace, and happiness in my life, since Lisa.

Lisa listens. I don’t mean she hears well, she really LISTENS to people She has that gift of listening to everything that people say, and she gives her undivided attention to anyone she’s talking with. She’s funny, smart, gentle, irreverent — all the things I love in a person. Lisa has helped me to learn to love, and to be loved. To trust. To see goodness in people. To not take the bumps life throws us periodically too seriously. She is my best friend, my confidante, my companion.

But most importantly, I love Lisa because I love the person I am when I’m with her. I love the person I have become since we’ve been together. And I love the people that we are TOGETHER. I can’t imagine my life without her.

If I had the entire universe to write how much I love Lisa, it wouldn’t fit

Sometimes, even though we write personal things, they have a different effect when we actually HEAR those words spoken. Tears welled up in my eyes and a glanced furtively at Lisa to see if she noticed. Not to fear, her own eyes were filled with tears. Then Scott read Lisa’s submission:

Why do I love Pat?

I love Pat because her compassion, her kindness, her humor and wit, her strength and grit make me a completed person. I love her because she wants to LIVE her life with me in spite of my “warts.” Pat often uses “pre Lisa and post Lisa” to define our relationship to other people, but the truth is that before Pat there was no Lisa. I found the reason for my life when I fell in love with Pat and I find that every day there is yet one more reason to love her all over again.

When I heard Scott say “…the truth is that before Pat there was no Lisa,” there was no holding back the tears any more. I looked at Lisa, and there was a steady stream of tears trailing down her face. I reached up and wiped her tears and smiled at her, a little taken aback at my own tears. Seeing hers made mine start again.

But the thing is, as he went through the couples’ writings, each and every couple cried. There was so much heartfelt love in all of those writings. I remember thinking about those religious fanatics or the gay bashers who claim that we know nothing of love yet, there in it’s purest and simplest form was the kind of love that those who would harm us either physically or legally, can only dream of.

The other minister, Michael, brought in tender young branches from a tree outside. The branches were bent and curved, but gracefully and beautifully so. There were 8 or 10 branches placed in a very large vase filled with water. Before the ceremony started we were each given a single, long stemmed red rose. We were instructed, after our vows, to go to the vase, one couple at a time, and place our flowers in the vase with the branches. The idea was that the branches form a foundation for a community, and the flowers were the members of the community, supported BY the community.

It was a beautiful ceremony.

Just as it ended, lightning and thunder started in. Within a fast few minutes, the sky opened up and torrential rain and pea-sized hail thundered down onto the roof of the church, the violent storm outside unleashing a fury like a tropical storm. I turned to the minister and quipped “See Scott? They said this would happen if they let same-sex couples marry.”

It was after 4:00 by the time we left the church. We headed back to the hotel, changed into something comfortable and met Gabby down in the lobby for a 5:00 dinner reservation at the hotel’s restaurant. Lisa had a ribeye steak that was SMOTHERED in different cheeses. I had grilled salmon covered in a raspberry sauce. As part of the promo, we got a free glass of wine. But, get this, we paid SIXTEEN DOLLARS for a salad. And for sixteen dollars, that sucker should sing, dance and tell jokes. Make that sixteen dollars times the two of us. Now, add $34 for my salmon and $22 for Lisa’s ribeye steak. There went a hundred dollar bill. We were worth it though and we did almost the same thing for our wedding, so why not?

So, back to our room, and back into our wedding clothes, and we headed to the convention center across the street (via skyway) at 7:00. As we entered the convention center, we got on the escalator to go down to the area where the event was. I held the handrail and chatted quietly with Lisa, conscious of being “miked” and that Gabby was listening with her headphones. I stepped off the escalator and something dark caught my eye. Something BLACK and greasy…and it was on my hand. Panicked, I looked to see if whatever it was had gotten on my white dress. Thankfully, it hadn’t. It was like printer toner — powdery, yet greasy. We found a bathroom and I easily washed it off. Crisis averted.

We registered, got our name badges, signed the registration book, got our “swag bags” and went inside. We went into the Expo for a short while. Sensory overload! Princess House crystal, wedding gowns, MetLife financial advisors, florists, bakers, health spas, travel agents and more.

We decided to go into the reception area and hang for a little bit, as we were anticipating the “program” beginning around 8:15 or so. As we made our way into the ballroom, we were stopped by people we knew, with handshakes, hugs and kisses. Some people we didn’t know, but who introduced themselves to us.

One of the contributors to rochesterturning.com approached me, and took our picture. Do we look VERY happy?

Then my friend, Jo Meleca-Voigt began the program. She gave a rousing speech about politicians and legislation to legalize our relationships. One of the things she talked about was the “guest book,” which basically was an affirmation of support for same-sex couples. If you didn’t sign it, you didn’t get in. The reason for that was that Sen Joe Robach (R) has a history of showing up at LGBT events, for the publicity, making himself APPEAR that he’s supportive of LGBT issues when, in fact, he’s not. As Jo said, those days, they’re over.

Then she introduced me and told those gathered there that I was the one who successfully sued my employer for recognition of my Canadian same-sex marriage.  The applause was thunderous and many people got to their feet.  I could feel that watermelon sized lump forming in my throat and the tears begin to well up in my eyes.  I took a deep breath, nervous, and began my speech.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Happiness. Isn’t that what we all really want out of life? Happiness – however we define it for ourselves?

More than 30 years ago I got married in an attempt to fit into the societal norm that existed in that day. I painted on my happy face every morning, presented my family and myself as a typical happy American family, and told myself that this was it – happiness. This was the kind of happiness you dream of as a child – a house, a car, three children, and good paying jobs. What more could a person want in order to be happy?

Twelve years into that marriage, I woke up one morning no longer able to kid myself that I was happy. I asked myself “How can I raise happy, well-adjusted children if I’m not happy myself?” I filed for divorce and began a second chapter in my life.

For fourteen years I raised my three children, alone, as best I could. Happiness, I told myself, is a choice and I chose to be happy. So, there I was, minding my own business, living my happy little life (by choice) when Lisa came along and a third chapter began in my life.

My life with Lisa has taught me that there’s a profound difference between contentment and real happiness. Since we’ve been together I define my life in terms of “Before Lisa” when I lived a very contented life, and “After Lisa,” when I learned what true happiness really is.

In July of 2001 we traveled to Vermont and entered into a civil union. At that time, it was as close to marriage as we could get and, to me, this commitment to Lisa was just as natural a part of my life with her as drawing breath into my lungs is a part of being alive.

This was not a political statement, nor was it a show for our friends and family. It was a profoundly personal and private matter between just the two of us and the Justice of the Peace who conducted the ceremony. Our relationship felt different after that – stronger, yet somehow softer, warmer. Happier.

In March of 2004 we were married in New Paltz, knowing even then that the chances of that marriage being recognized as legal were slim. This was more of a political statement for us but, even knowing that this marriage would be shrouded in legal ambiguity, we walked away with a renewed sense of love and commitment, and happiness..

That same year we were legally married in Canada. My own happiness reached a level that I cannot truly articulate. Even though we knew we had an uphill battle ahead of us where our marriage was concerned, that knowledge did not diminish what we felt that day, what we still feel today.

In the years since then and, especially after our lawsuit for recognition of our marriage was filed more than 3 years ago, we are often asked, “Why get married or committed to each other so many times?”

Simply, to me, marriage is the ultimate commitment. With each one of those commitment ceremonies, we got that much closer to the real deal. Could we have found happiness without marriage? Yes. Marriage doesn’t make the relationship. Rather, the relationship makes the marriage.

And, ultimately, why does marriage even matter? Why won’t a civil union do or, why can’t it be called something other than marriage? I used to say that I didn’t care what they called it as long as it carried ALL the rights, privileges and responsibilities of marriage.

But the fact is that marriage DOES matter. What we call it DOES matter. Calling it anything other than marriage creates confusion and separation. Granting anything just short of marriage creates separate laws, separate protections, and separate responsibilities.

When his supporters suggested that he slow down a bit, think about starting smaller or even compromise, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote:

What is implied here is the amazing assumption that society has a right to bargain with the Negro for the freedom which inherently belongs to him. Some of the most vocal liberals believe they have a valid basis for demanding that, in order to gain certain rights, the Negro ought to pay for them out of the funds of patience and passivity… to accept half a loaf and to pay for that half by waiting willingly for the other half to be distributed in crumbs over a hard and protracted winter of injustice….

In our own journey toward marriage equality, we cannot allow ourselves to be content with that half loaf – that half loaf being civil unions.

Civil unions are a consolation prize, offered by those who would deny us the basic human dignity of marriage but who, for whatever reason, are trying to ease their own guilt in having supported that discrimination.

When the ruling came out of the Appellate Court and the media feeding frenzy began, one television station interviewed clergy that supports same-sex marriage. Co-ministers Kaaren Anderson and Scott Taylor from the First Unitarian Church of Rochester stopped solemnizing all marriages in protest of the discrimination against same-sex couples and their desire to marry. Scott told the reporter “It’s not a political statement; it’s an act of conscience.”

What a wonderful world we would live in if all of us listened to our conscience in everything we do.

A co-worker of mine lives with his girlfriend. Because he works as a temporary he has no health benefits so his girlfriend looked into putting him on her benefit plan as a domestic partner. Because of the type of plan she has coupled with the tax liabilities that come with domestic partner benefits, they determined that he could purchase an inexpensive health insurance package cheaper than she could carry him on her benefit plan as a domestic partner.

They recently began proceedings to buy a house together. I asked him if he knew the ramifications of buying that house with his girlfriend when they are not married. “What happens if, God forbid, she is killed in an accident on the way home from work,” I asked him? “The house would be mine then,” he replied. “You would INHERIT the house and may have to pay inheritance tax on it,” I told him. “If you were married, you would have the right of survivorship and just go on living in that house without any worries about taxes.”

He was dumbfounded, to say the least. “Well, that’s not right,” he protested. I simply pointed out that this was one of many reasons why marriage matters to those of us who would be denied marriage based solely on who we love. We now have one more staunchly conservative Republican supporter of same-sex marriage.

The ruling requiring recognition of our marriage is a positive step forward but there is still much work to be done. We must all work together to form one very LOUD voice in Albany, telling our state lawmakers that we will not accept that half loaf of bread.

It’s important for all of us to help people like my co-worker get there – get to the understanding of why marriage is important and why civil unions are wholly different from marriage.

But more than that, we need to educate our families, our friends, our co-workers, members of the bowling team, even those people on internet message boards as to why marriage matters. And while, at times, it might be hard, we have to do that calmly and with kindness. We must seek to understand as well as to be understood.

We must stand united. And we must never, EVER lose faith. And, always choose happiness.

Now, I know how arrogant this sounds but I have to tell you  that, as I was delivering this speech, and looked out at the audience, I saw people riveted…mesmerized.  People who are used to public speaking like politicians, teachers, and other professionals.  It was quite the head trip for me.  But I didn’t say anything new and only reaffirmed to those gathered there that marriage matters and what we call it matters.

After my speech, Lisa and I were introduced for our dance.  As the opening chords of the song played, we walked onto the dance floor with our dance instructor standing nearby, hands clasped under her chin looking as nervous as I felt.  Once Lisa and I began dancing, I lost track of the fact that there was anyone else there besides the two of us.  I was lost in her eyes, in what she softly murmured to me, in her smile.  We talked easily.  I did a turn, she clasped my hand to her heart and the crowd applauded like we had done some  complex acrobatic move.

Lisa danced with a local woman who is a locally prominent lesbian, lawyer, lecturer and rabbi whose spouse doesn’t dance (like me).  The two agreed that if their respective spouses turned them down again, they’d seek each other out.

Later we ceremoniously cut the cake, danced another dance, and “worked the crowd.”  In all, it was an excellent evening.  We left around 11:15 or so and went back to our suite where a free bottle of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries waited for us.  We invited several people back for an “after party party.”  We drank champagne, we laughed raucously, and we basked in the success of the evening.

We had a wonderful time, but I’m SO glad it’s over!

Tomorrow, report from Equality and Justice Day.

Finally.

Newly Wed In New York is tomorrow — I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning, unable to shut my brain down with all there was to do today.  I finalized my speech, about why marriage matters and why it matters what we call it.

We’re checking into the Hyatt tomorrow morning at lunchtime to get dressed and ready for the vows ceremony.  The LOGO camera person will be there to film it all, as will some of the local media.

I found comfortable yet dressy shoes, a nice necklace to “accessorize” my dress with, and have “re-pierced” my ears — that is, got earrings through existing holes that haven’t had earrings in them since our wedding day in July of 2004.  I got Lisa’s suit ironed, speech printed out on large index cards, batteries charging for the camera, makeup gathered up and ready to go in the bag, casual clothes to wear to dinner and then change BACK INTO wedding clothes for the reception (Lisa says I can’t eat dinner with my good white dress on…OINK OINK), CD for our dance marked and packed, lint brush and sweater shaver (you never know).

So, what am I forgetting?

Hopefully it’ll be something unimportant.

Pictures when I get a chance to upload them.

Wish me luck that I don’t trip over Lisa when we’re doing our bridal dance, or that I don’t spill red wine down the front of me.

What WONDERFUL weather we’ve been having!

It’s only April but we’ve had temps well into the 70s and a titch into the 80s most of this week.  Everything is getting greener and greener, quickly.  The magnolias are in full blossom, forsythias have dotted the landscape with bright yellow color, daffodils and crocuses are showing a riot of white, purple and yellow along the expressway.  Ahhhh….winter’s hold has finally been broken.

Saturday we drove down to Avon — about a half hour south of where we live, to my foster sister’s house.  She and her husband own a dairy farm and there’s a cornfield behind their house.  A cornfield that her husband tilled up a nice little patch of for our vegetable garden this year.  We were AMAZED at the size of the patch he’d given us.  Lisa measured it at approximately 85 FEET by 65 FEET.

We got there late morning and set to work picking rocks, and removing old, dead cornstalks from the ground.  Then we cultivated and removed more rocks.  Took the stone rakes and got all the debris cleared away and a last swipe at rocks.  No, we didn’t do the whole patch, we only did about eight feet into it.  We got one 65 foot row planted with lettuce, radishes, scallions, spanish onions, and broccoli.  We got a shitload of seed from Jung Seed about 2 months ago and, at the time thought it seemed a bit excessive but now, with the size of the garden, we’re thinking we may need more.

It’s still too soon for most of the other stuff (corn, peas, beans, peppers, cantaloupe and other vegetables).  We can’t make it down again until the second weekend in May — and then, only I can make it down there.  Lisa’s going to be going to her sister’s house for a week to help do some handiwork around their house (paid, of course).  After that, it’s mid-June before we can get down there again.

I’m distressed looking at the calendar, seeing how much of my time is already booked up through Mid-June.  Here’s how it goes:

• Today — pick up Lisa’s New Truck, then to a Newly Wed In New York meeting
• Thursday — Dance Lesson #2
• Saturday — NewlyWed In New York
• Tuesday, Apr 29 — Equality and Justice Day
• May 4 — Awards Luncheon in Buffalo
• May 10 — Vegetable Garden
• May 11 — Mother’s Day
• May 16 — Empire State Pride Agenda Annual Dinner Meet & Greet
• May 17 — Empire State Pride Agenda Annual Dinner & Awards Ceremony
• May 23-26 — Camping
• June 3-10 – Colorado

Now, keep in mind that we’re ALWAYS free.  Well, almost always.  And I still need to find some shoes for Saturday’s big event, too.  It’ll be nice to fade back into obscurity again, even if it is only for a little while.

Here’s a headline that makes you just shake your head: Military Using Convicted Felons To Replace Drummed Out Gays

 And here’s part of the article:

The bulk of the crimes involved were burglaries, other thefts, and drug offenses, but nine involved sex crimes and six involved manslaughter or vehicular homicide convictions. Several dozen Army and Marine recruits had aggravated assault or robbery convictions, including incidents involving weapons.

Isn’t it nice to know that THESE types of felons are more desirable for military duty than some woman who loves another woman, or a man who finds other men attractive — neither of which has a felony conviction?

And they’re trusting these folks with high tech equipment and weapons?

Lisa’s gall bladder isn’t working properly.  That’s the official diagnosis.  Her nuclear test showed that when it contracted to shoot bile to break down fat, it didn’t contract properly and it spasms.  For now, she’s choosing to see if she can handle it through diet.  She’s done well for the past week so there’s no reason to believe she can’t handle this with diet for a few years.

 

 

I promised, three days ago now, to participate in Reader Appreciation — I didn’t get to it that day or yesterday because, well, I just wan’t online long enough to put coherent words together.  So, three days later, here’s MY contribution to Reader Appreciation.

My stat counter on my blog shows me where people come from when they visit my blog and I’ve made note that there are a lot of people who read but never comment.  That’s not a bad thing but I’ve often wondered what it is about this li’l ol’ blog that makes them come back day after day.  With very few exceptions, my life is pretty boring and I can’t imagine why people would find it that interesting.

An old friend, Michele, used to stop by quite frequently but I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her since she was going to try to break it off with her hot tamale boyfriend six months ago (or thereabouts).  I loved watching the transition that she went through, from hurt and abandoned wife to a woman finding herself again.  We go back a long ways, back to the days when I first started out on the web back in 1998 when we both hung out at the now-defunct women.com web site.  I can only hope that Michele is okay and not coming around anymore because she’s got good things going on in her life and doesn’t have the time to waste on blogs such as mine.

Jenn is another who doesn’t come around anymore these days.  Judging by her own lack of blogging and the fact that she’s got “NH” in her life, I’d say she’s happy and healthy these days, too.  Jenn blogged about her divorce in such an upbeat and humorous way that I felt myself drawn to it daily.  When she used to come here, she brought that razor sharp wit with her, often getting me into trouble at work because I’d literally laugh out loud.

Speaking of laughing out loud, Lori also gets me into trouble with her own blogging as well as her comments.  Of all the people who visit my blog, I find that Lori consistently gets right to the heart of the matter in as few as 10 words.  She has an interesting and comical way of looking at life along with all its pitfalls.  The relationship she has with her kids seems to be much like the relationship she has with her life as seen through her blog.  Lori’s good people.

Peg who stops by frequently when the weather isn’t good for biking, and less often when biking is possible, is another who can put things into a context that makes for astute observations with a bit of a humorous twist.  I saw her at various sites debating why the decision we got in our court case was not only the right decision, but why it isn’t new law either.

My old Army buddy Rodger stops by on occasion and once or twice has left comments.  Rodger is good people, with a kind heart and irreverent sense of humor.  Sharon, his wife, is very much like him and after more than 30 years of marriage, it’s easy to see how they’ve been able to stick it out for three decades or more.

Annie is a wonderful woman who is constantly on a journey.  She’s a very creative and artistic person who loves deeply.  I love her philosophy whenever I post something very personal — some matter of the heart.  She’s always there with a comment that warms me and validates me.

Awake In Rochester is a new reader, but one who seems very loyal already.  She has a kind heart and contributes a lot to the posts that I make.  WordPress gave her a complex recently and wouldn’t let her comments come through, but it seems that everything’s working okay now for her.  What I love about her is her spirituality but she doesn’t seem to let that interfere with her thought processes — and she appears to crave the kind of learning that leads to understanding not only for herself, but for her own readers.

When you think of loyal readers, PattiCake is right there at the top of the list.  She makes it a point to visit a ka-ka load of blogs each day and participates at all of them.  I’ve stolen a thing or two from her, such as PSAs, because I really like the concept.  But her FUG’s are raucous and she manages to capture the essence of reneckery down there the the Carolinas.  She’s good people.

Coming to me originally from Patti-Cake’s blog is Cheeky who also hasn’t come by much recently.  That’s because she’s of the working world these days and doesn’t have the time to sit around eating bonbons, watching soap operas and cruising the web all day long.  ;-)  Cheeky is, well, just as her name suggests — VERY cheeky.  Her exploits with her family read like Erma Bombeck sometimes in their familiarity.

Beecharmers is a relatively new reader who has similar interests to mine and sometimes it seems our lives have run a bizarre parallel course to each others’ — really bizarre.  But she’s a person who has a gift of introspection and I love to see where she ends up after that short journey of introspection.

LCScotty, out in Buffalo, is the least likely person I would have ever expected to frequent my blog.  He’s a Republican/Conservative but not in the way that makes you spit right after you say those words.  He’s level-headed, intelligent, open-minded, and shoots straight from the hip.  He calls me out on things he doesn’t agree with and keeps me honest.  I HEART LCScotty.

Deborah, bless her, stops by here even though today was the first visit I’ve made to her blog in a LONG time.  She’s much more loyal than I — but more than that, she’s fascinating.

Finally, my “fan” from Lynchburg, Virginia who works at the Central Virginia Community College, who stopped by here sometimes on a daily basis, but who also claimed that *I* was stalking *her* on the web, finally stopped coming around.  I REALLY appreciate that!

We had our first dance lesson today, a dance lesson for “social dance survival.” A television crew that got wind of the “…couple at the center of the gay marriage controversy in New York State…” was there, so they showed up and filmed us getting our lesson.

We had a blast and we really learned a LOT. And, I’m not all left feet like I thought I was. And Lisa learned a bit about leading and not doing the “junior prom shuffle.” It was awesome!

It was almost 80 degrees today so we loaded up our bikes in Lisa’s truck and went for a bike ride along the Erie Canal. We put in at point B and road to point A then back to B for a round trip ride of just under 5 miles. Click the link below for the map of our ride. I’m LOVING the fact that Lisa is riding with me and it makes the rides so much nicer. And, hey, if you’re ever in this area (or you live here) and you want to go on a ride along the canal, let us know. It’s a BEYOOOOTIFUL RIDE!

We each bought new MP3 players so we have our music and each other now for our rides. I’m in love with life these days!

View Larger Map

Lisa had her nuclear test today to see how her small intestines and her gall bladder are working (or not) and we’ll learn in a few days what the results of that were. We’re hoping that whatever they find, we can get something resolved so that Lisa can get back to eating regularly, and enjoying the things that she’s enjoyed all along.

Tomorrow, I promise, I’ll do my reader appreciation that I promised two days ago.

Because of the tax inequities between married same-sex couples and their heterosexual counterparts, today it will pay to be gay!

You can get a $3 discount on your tickets for Newly Wed In New York until midnight tonight. Regular price is $18 advance, $25 at the door. If you buy your tickets today you will have realized a FORTY percent savings over at-the-door pricing!

Click here to get your tickets.

If that link doesn’t work, point your browser to http://www.lgbtfogg.com and look at the top of the page for the “tax day” savings banner (in green).

Get your tickets today!

Causes Graphic Comments

Causes Graphic Comments

Lori, over at Hahnathome.com has a blog friend who has suggested a “Reader Appreciation Day” for tomorrow, April 16th.

The idea is to write about your readers and what they mean to you (or not).

I’m in.

Provided I remember. And provided WordPress doesn’t send my post the scenic route through all 7 continents and out where the Heidi football game still resides.

Stop by tomorrow — also, think about participating too. hokay?

I had to file an extension on our taxes — again. The business tax forms aren’t really all that complicated, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around them for some reason. SO, I figure to put it off until after everything settles down.

I have a hair appointment later today, for a perm, so it will have plenty of time to “relax” before the big event on the 26th.

I have to go today to find a Trisha Yearwood CD with “I’ll Still Love You More” on it because the DJ at the big event, for some reason, can’t play a CD with an MP3 version of the song on it. This is the song Lisa and I will do the “Bridal Dance” to — the one we’re taking lessons for on Thursday.

I’m on Spring Break this week, but there’s no rest for the weary.

Saturday, I spent the whole day working on tax returns for Joe, Lisa and I. I got Joe’s done but not Lisa’s or mine. Because Joe paid a shitload of money for tuition this year, I’m going to let him claim himself so he can take that lifetime learning credit. If I claim him as a dependent, he can’t claim the credit. Sucks, really. So, I ran his return both ways and found that, if I claim him, he gets back under $300. If I don’t claim him, he gets back just under $1700. He and I agreed that he would give me back, out of his return, what *I* lose by not claiming him. He’ll still be some money ahead that way.

Lisa worked Saturday, driving truck and making deliveries for a local lawn/garden place — that used to be a customer of hers when she had that *other* job. He paid her in “dead presidents,” so it’s off the books. Nice.

Sunday we were absolute turds. We didn’t even shower, just put on sweats and sat on the couch and watched several episodes of The Tudors from season one that had been residing on our DVR for weeks and weeks, along with the first two episodes of this new season.

Yesterday I had a bunch of paperwork and books to do for the company, while Lisa worked at another old customer’s shop receiving inventory. It’s nice that she can work these jobs “part-time” until her own business cranks up for the season — which it appears to be doing.

Today she’s working a job for a new customer, a friend of a friend who’s best friends with my foster sister. Hey, that’s how businesses grow, right? I have a lot of errands to run today — we have NO coffee in the house, and no creamer. The poor cats have been 3 days now without any treats. They’re hanging together, and seem to be whispering, eyes darting our way to see if we’re catching it. I think they’re plotting something, so I’d better go get some treats.

Lisa has work tomorrow as well, and possibly Friday. Both days I’ve made myself available to help out with some stuff that still needs to be done for the big event.

Thursday Lisa has her “nuclear test” on her gall bladder to see if it’s functioning properly. She’s not eating much these days, since almost everything causes pain for her. Let’s hope they discover the problem and can fix it. After the test we have our free dance lesson.

So much for Spring Break. Not much of a break if you ask me.

For any of you in the Rochester area, we are compiling a list of businesses that are supportive of the GLBTQ community, and one of those that are not. If possible, I’ll be posting that list here for any of you to peruse.  But, for now, check out the exhibitors for the Wedding Expo as well as the advertisers.   This should give you a good idea of who’s supportive.

Here’s the post that went bye-bye the other day…

Cesar Laurean has been captured in Mexico and is now awaiting extradition to the US to face murder charges in the death of Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach. In order for extradition to be granted, however, the US must agree to not seek the death penalty against Laurean. Mexico, like Canada, refuses extradition in capital cases where the death penalty is a consideration.

Laurean had been living in fig groves, living off the fruit. Too bad he didn’t choke on them…

What I find particularly interesting is the part of the article on CNN that says “Mary Lauterbach has demanded answers from the Marines about why more wasn’t done to protect her daughter after her rape allegation against Laurean.”

Yet, when her daughter was alive and going through the whole rape thing, this very mother told the press that her daughter was a pathological liar. NOW, all of a sudden, she wants answers? Mark my words, this woman’s going to file a lawsuit. She couldn’t provide moral support to her daughter, but she’ll sure as hell become dramatically grieving when it comes time to consider how much money she can get out of this whole deal. I hope I’m wrong, but it’s the sense I get, based on comments this woman has made throughout the whole thing, as far as her daughter is concerned.

Local Republicans are scratching the dirt looking for candidates to run for congressional seats — the 25th and 26th District are looking at vacancies.

Stephen Minarik, chairman of the Monroe Republican Committee, said the retirements of Rep. James Walsh of Onondaga in the 25th District and Rep. Thomas Reynolds of Clarence, Erie County, in the 26th have been problematic for the party.

With any kind of luck, we can also get the likes of Joe Robach and Joe Bruno out of Albany while we’re at it.

Tax filing day is right around the corner. Here in Rochester, members of the LGBTQ community will be at the main post office protesting the tax inequities levied against same-sex couples. If you’re able, and you believe that the taxation of same-sex couples compared to straight couples is unfair, then go to your local post office and let the world know.

The Repugnican County Executive who is appealing the ruling in our case, and who also lost another unanimous decision against her (not)F.A.I.R. plan will be asking the same Appellate Court that ruled against her to re-look at the case in the hopes of getting a different outcome, apparently.

Gag-Mie Brooks apparently is taking the tack that, if you ask enough times, the answer will change. This move, however, is due to the fact that the State Court of Appeals was unlikely to hear this particular case because it did not have state-wide implications. Apparently other counties use the sales tax the way they’re required to and aren’t looking to sell out their childrens’ education because they couldn’t properly manage their budget.

And on top of that, her lips are moving. Yep, she’s misleading you again. She SAYS she won’t increase property taxes and, on the surface, that’s true. BUT, you don’t have to increase taxes to increase your revenue from property owners. Just overinflate their assessment value. That’s what they did last year. Nope, we didn’t raise taxes, we just raised the assessments. By about 20% in some areas. Mine went from $105,200 to $126,000.

Why can’t the Democrats find someone to run against this hack? Hell, if I thought I had a prayer, *I* would oppose her! Unfortunately, though, I’m not a politician, I say what’s on my mind, I’m a lesbian, and I tear the tags off my mattresses and pillows.

I’d like to appoint Lisa to an $80,000/year job at the Water Authority. We could use the money.

The Greece school systems is coming out with new guidelines for standards of conduct for students (and staff/faculty too, I hope).

One of the things that is being discussed is the implementation of a school uniform code. Now, if they’re going to go with something like “blue/black/gray pants and white/blue/red shirts” or something like that, then I could probably support it.

I think its incumbent on school authorities to explicitly spell out what is and what is not acceptable to wear in school. Language should not be left to individual interpretation and if there is any question regarding the item being worn, the principal has the final say and that “clarification” added to the written dress code for the school. The dress code can and should be a sort of “working document” that is updated as circumstances requiring clarification arise.

Implementing a dress code is lazy on the part of the administrators.

For example, I would support something like the following:

1. All shirts will have sleeves no less than 2″ in length from the shoulder. Sleeves will not be rolled any higher than 2″ from the shoulder.
2. All shirt bottoms will meet the hip-bones, at the least.
3. All necklines will not fall more than two inches below the collarbone.
4. Dresses will not be higher than 3″ above the center of the knee.
5. Hats or hoods will not be worn inside the building.
6. Sunglasses will not be worn inside the building.
7. Pants must not fall below a point of 2-3″ below the hip bone.

You get the idea, I hope. I mean, let them be kids, let them express themselves, but have some limits. If they want to wear middies, they can wear them to the mall or at home, but school is not the place for them any more than work would be.

If, however, the school district is seriously considering actual uniforms (and I hope to hell they’re not), then enforcing the wear of them is going to be terribly difficult in a public school system. If I can’t afford the uniforms for my kids, what are they going to do — prevent my kids from having an education because I can’t spend money on over-priced school uniforms?

We ran into this when I was a kid going to Catholic school. There was only one place in town where the uniforms could be purchased, and that was THE most expensive clothing store in town, M. Cohn & Son.

Only the “A” Catholics could afford their clothes there in the first place and, for a young single mother struggling to raise 2 kids in a Catholic environment, the prices were prohibitive and drove families like ours to the public schools.

A committee made up of administrators, faculty, staff, students and parents can and should be convened to discuss this and come up with some recommendations for the dress code.

That’s my two cents.

Out on Spring Break next week. May, or may not, blog.