Posted by: Pat | August 21, 2009

It’s Vinessa’s fault

Can you fill this out without lying?
How would you know if I did?

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
My finger

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
I’ve kissed the bathroom MAT once or twice in my youth after a bender.

Where was your profile picture taken?
My dining room

Can you play guitar hero?
Meh

Name someone that made you laugh today?
Lisa, when I was goosing her and she said “I was trying to work up a fart for you!”

How late did you stay up last night and why?
If 10:00 is late, then that’s the time. Why? I stayed up that “late” because I wasn’t tired until then — duh!

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yep — in fact, looking to sell the house now and find something smaller and more “country-ish”

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Does being kissed in front of a burning building with windows blowing out count?

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
The one that’s not as far away as the others.

Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
Well, my ex and someone else’s ex became friends and then even got married so, yeah.

When was the last time you cried really hard?
I’m a tough ol’ bitch, I don’t cry.

Where are you right now?
In my living room

What bed did you sleep in last night?
The one in my bedroom?

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
A present

Who took your profile picture?
Ove Overmyer

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Most likely Lisa sleeping on the couch — I have an entire gallery of that.

Was yesterday better than today?
I don’t know about better but I do know that yesterday was before today.

Are you mad about anything?
That the difference in retirement now and 6 years from now is enough that I have to keep working for those remaining 6 years.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Absolutely

Are you a bad influence?
On who? Kids? Yep. Adults? Not so much. Cats? Probably. Trees? I’m pretty sure no.

Night out or night in?
Who am I with?

What items could you not go without during the day?
Coffee, Facebook, Lisa, food, wine, and most importantly, Prozac.

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
New cell phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx

How do you feel about your life right now?
I love my life.

Do you hate anyone?
Unfortunately, yes.

If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find.
Messages from other people. What were you expecting to find?

Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Depends on what drugs they’re testing for. The standard THC or cocaine, yes I’d pass.

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Only when the word “perfect” preceded something else like “bitch,” “asshole” or “shit.”

What song is stuck in your head?
5210. Be a healthy he-ro!

Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?
Publisher’s Clearing House with a check for $20 million, apologizing for the late hour.

Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
Been there, done that. Was a grandma before I was FORTY.

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Eat. Breathe. Poop. Everything else is voluntary.

Do you think too much or too little?
Yep

Do you smile a lot?
Yep

Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone?
Dr. office calling to remind me of an appointment next week.

What was the last book you read?
Darkly Dreaming Dexter

Is there something you always wear?
Glasses. Nothing else is an “always.”

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Canning beets and turnips

Did you have an exciting last weekend?
I enjoyed last weekend, that’s all that matters.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Never.  I’ve crawled through the opening of a window, but never THROUGH a window.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Uh…no…this is my…er…natural hair color.  Yeah. Natural.

Are you wearing a necklace / Chain?
Nope

Are you an emotional person?
*sniff* Not at all *sniff*

What’s something that can always make you feel better?
Prozac

Will this weekend be a good one?
Every day starts out to be a good one, until you get out of bed.

What do you want right now?
House sold, new house bought, members for the CSA, world peace, winning lottery ticket, retirement, another beer

Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
Isn’t this a stupid question? Every woman in the world has worn at least one item of male clothing.

Have you ever worked in a food place?
Yes, it’s called my kitchen

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
Not a thing.

Does anyone know your facebook password?
Who thinks these questions up?

Did I lie?
Did YOU lie? Yes.

Posted by: Pat | August 18, 2009

Meme for Grown Ups

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? Here’s questions for the people who are a little older.

Copy and paste into your own note, then answer the questions. Finally, tag your friends (including me, please!).

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Gas/electric bill.  I’m thinking about claiming the local power company as a dependent this year.

2. Do you miss being a child?
In some regards, yes but mostly no.

3. Chore you hate the most?
Emptying the dishwasher.  More specifically, putting away the silverware.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Casa Mia, Niagara Falls, Canada

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I wouldn’t have skipped so much school in my senior year.  I might have gone to remedial code training on that last day before the start of AMD and beat Barb out for that E-4 stripe.

6. Name of your first grade teacher?
Miss Dunn

7.What do you really want to be doing right now?
Anything but being at work.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Gone

9. How many colleges did you attend?
Two, sort of.  Los Angeles Community Colleges Overseas (now defunct) and Hawaii Pacific College.

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was the one with the fewest wrinkles that matched my pants and I didn’t want to have to iron this morning.

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Effin’ greedy bastards.

12.First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I am SO ready to retire!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
All that water I drank tonight is going to make me have to get up and pee at some point tonight.

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
John Elway

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
No, but I’ve crashed several times from a sugar high.

16. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
I’d volunteer to stay home.

17. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Road Runner *meep meep*

19. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy/girl?
Erm….*ahem*

20. When did you first start feeling old?
The day I became a grandmother

21. Favorite lunch meat?
Chicken or turkey

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Pissed off

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I wouldn’t have fought so hard for my own if I did, would I?

24. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
No movie, but I do have a guilty pleasure in my weekly television viewing — Operation Repo on TruTV.

25. What’s your favorite drink?
Semi-dry red wines — preferably Chianti.

26. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Probably anyone. It’s always kinda cool to run into one of them.

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Fickle 93.3

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither. Give me Dexter.

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Kim — what the hell was I thinking?

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
You bet — especially since NOBODY sits across from me!

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
Only if it’s intended purpose was to bash someone over the head.

32. Last book you finished reading?
Darkly Dreaming Dexter

33. Do you have a teddy bear?
Lisa

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I like to live on the edge. I once walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway while I was brushing my teeth!

35. Do you go to church?
Hell No!

36. How old are you?
I just celebrated the 21st anniversary of the 20th anniversary of when I officially became a teenager.

Posted by: Pat | August 15, 2009

Nothing

That’s what’s going on these days.  Nothing.  Nothing new, at least.

We continue to spend a lot of time (Lisa does, mostly) at the vegetable farm.  I went back to work Monday after almost 3 full weeks off — major bummer.  I told Lisa she needs to make a LOT more money so that I can retire now — or at least, next year.

I got my annual propaganda statement on my retirement Monday and that’s got me thinking “retire, retire, retire.”  I now understand why people close to retirement are so useless at work.  I couldn’t care less and all I can think about is retiring.  I plod along, disinterested for the most part, even the things I once enjoyed seem like a huge chore now.

Six more years (and about 16 days after that) and it’ll all be over.

Until then, I’ll try to get by on nothing…..

Posted by: Pat | August 4, 2009

It’s about time

Summer has finally arrived for a short visit here in Western NY.  It’s about time.

I’ve been on vacation for the past two weeks, and will be through tomorrow or maybe even the end of the week — they’re replacing windows in my office and it will certainly depend on when they get done.

Lisa’s busy with the vegetable farm and I’ve been doing some putzing around the house, cleaning out, organizing, just sort of taking it easy and at whatever pace suits my mood for the day.

Nothing much else going on.

A high school friend of mine posted this video on Facebook with the comment “I don’t care what k.d. lang sings, she always elevates the music to another level.” Amen to that, Marie.

Give ‘er a listen — and enjoy.

Posted by: Pat | July 28, 2009

Pot luck

I’ve been on vacation for the past ten days and, while I’ve had my share of down time, we’ve been busy with the farm.  We’re ready to harvest a plethora of veggies in the next few days and plan to take them to Farmer’s Market and hopefully make a few bucks here and there.

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Sadie has done remarkably well as far as her recovery from surgery.  She gained a lot of weight back and is her typical frenetic personality.  We do, however, crate her when we’re not home to supervise her as we don’t trust her to not get into something again.  It’s truly amazing what sorts of things a kitten can find with which to get into trouble.

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I turned 54 last week.  It was unremarkable.

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Some time back I had a guy misbehaving here on the blog — it turned out it was a temporary that had been working for me and had some personal issues that he felt necessary to blame me for.  He had collection companies calling him at work, and apparently felt that his irresponsibility with his finances could be traced directly back to me because he hadn’t yet been hired permanently.  He walked out unexpectedly one day but then found that his temporary agency wouldn’t work with him any more because he walked out on a client.  Of course, somehow that was my fault, too.

He sent an email to the VP of my division that was so full of ludicrous accusations that it was easily seen for exactly what it was — an attempt to blame me for his own shortfalls.

For example, he claimed that I falsely applied for overtime during any given week that I may have taken time off.  What he apparently DIDN’T realize is that my time sheets were, in fact, completed correctly.  He also bitterly complained about the fact that I signed my own time sheet and overtime sheet.  Per established procedure, the employee MUST sign any documents submitted for consideration for pay.  Because a day off is charged against the leave bank, any extra time that is worked within that same period is charged to overtime/compensatory time.  Yet, he raged here on this blog about me being a thief.

He claimed that I constantly abused and swore at my student aides, yet when I submitted a rebuttal to his insane accusations, I submitted with it statements from five former student aides who not only refuted his claims, but went on to say that they still maintain contact with me now and think of me as a “second mother.”

He claimed that my employee was also abused by me but her statement submitted also refuted his insanity.

I ended up having to get a restraining order against him — and obtained one easily after submitting all the pertinent documentation (including his rantings here on the blog) to the district attorney’s office.  He tried to hide his I.P. by using anonymous browsing sites, but apparently failed to realize that they do not truly give anonymous web browsing.  When a victim contact that anonymous site with dates and times and web sites visited, those browser sites eagerly cough up originating I.P. addresses, lest they be held financially liable for aiding a lunatic with harassment.  Each and every one was easily identified and his originating I.P. address consistently came up — even the D.A. felt the guy was obsessed with me.

I think his problem is that he’s a repressed, deeply entrenched-in-the-closet homosexual, along with being an immature asshole, and irresponsible with his money.  It’s easier to rage at me than to look at himself.  And it looks like he could be back (that or I have another secret admirer).  Yeah, the restraining order expired last month…

He once whined to me that he couldn’t afford health insurance or even the cost of a doctor’s visit, yet he has state-of-the-art computer equipment and paid big bucks for a large flat-screen television.  Boys and their toys…

Here’s a thought.  Jeremy?  Grow up.

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Speaking of assholes needing to grow up…

Did you listen to Sarah Palin’s functional illiterate speech when she stepped down?  Sounded like her 12-year-old wrote the speech for her.  Vanity Fair had a great time with her speech — view their editor’s, research department’s, and copy department’s edit marks.

I particularly like the one where she credits Abraham Lincoln with the procurement of Alaska.

What a dumbass — and she wants to put herself out there on a national stage?  Hell, I hope she DOES run for President in 2012 against Obama.  Obama will win the largest margin of victory in the history of the U.S. — a record that would never be broken.

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We bought a Wii that has the fitness bundle.  There’s the Wii Fit as well as the Wii Sports software.  We have had the best time with it and look at it as a good beginning to our fitness and weight loss quest.

Now that Joe has moved out, we’re going to use the family room downstairs as an exercise room.  It’s 15×22 so it’s a good size for it.  We’ll have a weight set, Gazelle Glider, Body by Jake Ab Scissor, jogging trampoline, fitness ball and the Wii.  We figure to have a “circuit” of sorts.

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I’ve been seeing a new chiropractor and am absolutely thrilled at how much better I feel these days. Not only does he practice chiropractic, but he also works with Applied Kinesiology, Meridian Therapy (Accugraph), laser therapy, nutrition and orthotics. Sort of a one-stop shopping place. But beyond convenience, I’m seeing REAL results and am finally beginning to wake up mornings WITHOUT the pain I used to have.

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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing? “The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize. “How?” asks the man, puzzled. “Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field.”

Posted by: Pat | July 10, 2009

Kitty E.R.

Friday morning Sadie began horking up bile. Nothing else, just bile. Each time she horked, she acted like she was chewing on something and we thought that maybe she’d eaten something she shouldn’t have and got it stuck in her throat, or something like that. She was quiet all day — totally NOT Sadie. Sadie isn’t just an energetic kitten, she is FRANTIC with energy and this was totally out of character for her. She laid in bed with Lisa when Lisa laid down for a nap — totally NOT Sadie. By Saturday morning she was extremely lethargic, and still horking up bile. I decided she needed to be seen by a vet. Under normal circumstances, our vet’s office is open all day Saturday. But, this past Saturday was, of course, a holiday so we ended up having to take her to the Animal Emergency Services. We were told it would be $90 just to walk in the door.

We described her typical behavior and our concern about the lethargy. We told the vet that Sadie is just into everything, she has no fear, and is a chewer. We expressed fear that she had eaten something she shouldn’t have, although there are no plants or poisons just laying about in our house. Blood was drawn and tested, and came back with normal liver enzymes, etc. The vet sent us home with an antibiotic and a suggestion to buy 10 mg. Pepcid, quarter it, and give Sadie a quarter tab if she didn’t vomit any more. She said if the vomiting didn’t stop, we should bring her back in. We left AES $344 lighter, but without any real answers.

Sunday morning there was no change. She was still lethargic and still dry heaving so, we took her back to AES where we consented to let them sedate her and x-ray her tummy. As we feared, the x-ray showed an intestinal blockage, although it didn’t reveal anything specific. The vet explained to us that she would need surgery to remove whatever was blocking her tummy and gave us an estimate of what the surgery would cost. I was reduced to tears when I saw the estimate: $2,050-3,985.

I manage all our money (by mutual agreement) and I do it very well. Every single penny is accounted for and strictly budgeted. Unlike an ex of mine who ran up credit card debt knowing full well she couldn’t afford to pay it off and with every intention of filing for bankruptcy, we use our credit cautiously and judiciously. We HAVE to because I am the only one in the house with a regular income and we have to make ends meet on my salary alone. Anything Lisa makes doing handiwork is gravy. So, I knew we could swing the low end of that estimate but there was just no way we were going to be able to swing anything above that.

We told the vet that we just couldn’t afford more than the $2,000 (which was actually our Christmas money) and were told that if we couldn’t afford the surgery, the “humane” thing to do would be to euthanize poor little Sadie. While Lisa copped attitude and told the vet “I’m not going to let you kill my cat just because I can’t afford this surgery,” I was less diplomatic, dropping the “eff bomb” and pointing out that the “humane” thing to do would be to treat the animal and NOT make it all about the money but that, obviously, the animals weren’t as important to them as money. Oh yeah, I went OFF!

Now, here’s the thing. I totally GET that this is a business and the object of business is to make money. However, this particular place has “board certified” surgeons and vets so you pay twice as much for them as for non-certified vets. Frankly, I couldn’t give two shits about their fancy board certification — all I cared about was that my little Sadie was in trouble and they only cared about whether we could pay to get her out of trouble. I told the vet “Just give me back my cat and I’ll take her home. If she’s going to die, it’s going to be at home in our arms, not here!” The vet said she’d have to have me sign an A.M.A. and I told her I didn’t have to sign SHIT and wasn’t going to make their life any easier. Fuck ‘em.

The vet left the exam room, telling us to talk it over. We anguished. We cried. We raged and we cried some more. What were we going to do?

Lisa grabbed her phone and left the room. Fifteen minutes later she was back with the news that a client that she was doing major renovation work for (and also a friend) had said that she’d loan us the money because she knew that Lisa would work it off. So, we consented to the surgery with the provision that, if Sadie wasn’t in acute distress the following morning, we would transfer her post-operative care over to our own vet. Lisa pointed out that Sadie already had an appointment for the next day for her last FELV shot and to make an appointment to spay her. Lisa asked if they could do that while they had her opened up because the “humane” thing would be to not have to subject her to another surgery in a few weeks. They agreed and promised to spay her.

We were told we’d have to leave a “deposit” which would equal the lower end of the full estimate. I used one of their computers to go online to check our gold card to see how much credit we had available. $2,115 was all the “cushion” we had and I told the receptionist that I didn’t want her to put any more than $2,000 on the card. She asked “Will $1,900 do?” I consented and so we walked out of that place on Sunday another $1,900 lighter, with more care expenses looming on the horizon.

About 3:00 they called to tell us Sadie was out of surgery. They’d found a string that went from her esophagus, through her small intestines, into the large intestines and that, near her colon they felt a lump which they assumed to be some sort of small toy. They “milked” the lump into her colon and expected that she would pass it in the next 24 to 48 hours. They said they removed the string and spayed her as well and that, if she didn’t vomit again and was able to accept food and water, she could be released to us either Monday evening or Tuesday morning. I reminded them that we’d be transferring Sadie’s care to our own vet the next morning unless Sadie was in acute distress. Our own vet called us Sunday night and agreed to assume Sadie’s care. She gave us some instruction on what to get from AES and gave a few words of comfort.

Sunday was also our 5th wedding anniversary. We weren’t feeling particularly festive but we’d purchased some crab legs and a bottle of champagne a few days prior (a big splurge for us) for our celebration. We decided to go ahead at least with the meal and the champagne, but our hearts were pretty heavy and not much into celebration.

Monday morning we were at AES by 8:00 ready to pick Sadie up. She was getting an IV antibiotic and we had to wait about 45 minutes for her. She was clearly happy to see us, as she began to meow and YOWL loudly — very much like the old Sadie. At checkout, we were charged an additional $60.

We delivered Sadie to our own veterinarian/veterinary hospital where she received top rate care for the next 24 hours. She was discharged to us on Tuesday with another bill of $254. Within an hour of returning home, Sadie pooped, and passed the foreign object they’d “milked” into her colon. A rubber band.

Sadie is currently wearing a “lampshade” so she doesn’t lick her tummy, which is held together by some subcutaneous sutures, and 14 staples externally. Her little legs were shaved just above the paws, for about an inch’s length, giving her a groomed poodle sort of look. She is currently being confined to a large dog crate so that she doesn’t run and jump (and be Sadie) and hurt herself. She is on a special prescription food for intestinal health, which costs as much for a 5 lb. bag as a 22 lb. bag of Iams. And, of course, the other cats are VERY intrigued with this expensive food.

So, only 18 weeks old, this past weekend with Sadie cost us $2,558.  Add to that the previous vet visits and this little Spawn of Satan has cost us $3,088.  That’s $171.55 a week!  She’s lucky she’s cute and we love her so much!

But, all’s well that ends well. At least for now.

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This is Sadie 24 hours post-surgery.  She was positively EMACIATED from having had no solid foods for almost 5 days.

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Fourteen staples in that little tummy.  OUCH!

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IVs in both legs — they had to shave ‘em.  Fashionable, eh?

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Conehead kitty. Life of the party wearing the lampshade.

Posted by: Pat | July 8, 2009

New blog buddy

Hey, if you’re “like minded” and looking for something new and different to read, give Downright Personal a read here.

Posted by: Pat | July 2, 2009

Empty nest

Last September I sat down and talked with my son about his responsibilities and his future. I told him that it was time for him to go out on his own and that I wouldn’t be doing him any favors by letting him stay at home any longer. I gave him until July 1 of this year. He moved out yesterday.

Joe turned 26 last week. He’s no longer eligible for my health insurance and, while he thought he’d be done with school at the end of May, he didn’t have enough credits to graduate so he’ll have to go again this Fall. My thinking was that he’d be done in May and he wouldn’t have that burden along with the new tasks of supporting himself. He’ll have to work that out himself.

I’ve been a mother for 33 years and I can say with absolute certainty that you never stop being a Mom to your kids and that letting go is the single hardest thing a Mom has to do.

My girls have been gone for a while. Michelle has been gone longer than she was ever home — 17 years. Linda left home 10 years ago to go live with her father after a particularly troubling year here at home. Both girls left home in anger and it broke my heart that they left under such circumstances.

Joe was my easy kid. He’d never been grounded, never sent to his room, nothing like that. He was an easygoing type of personality with a quick wit. He was loving, even at an age when it’s not cool to like your parents. He and I were the best of friends.

Which is why I’m struggling so hard with his absence now.

Like I told Lisa this morning, I know I did the right thing. As long as Joe lived here at home I’d continue to be a Mom and not hold him to his responsibilities.

Joe paid his own way through college. He went to the community college I work at, and I was able to get him a tuition waiver, but he still had to pay fees and buy books. After he graduated from the community college he went on to a 4 year school where he paid his own tuition, bought his own books, and assumed the responsibility every aspect of his education. He took out a couple of small student loans but has them both paid in full as of this week. While taking 5 classes each semester, he continued to work at the job he’s had since he was a junior in high school — a job that, while classified as “part-time” still saw him working full-time hours. In the spring, it wasn’t unusual for him to work 60-80 hours a week without a day off during the entire month of May. But still, he persevered and worked hard at his studies and his job.

He couldn’t have done all of that if he’d had to support himself, a major reason why he was home as long as he was.

We helped him move the larger things to his new residence yesterday. I keep seeing his face as we left — wondering if it was sadness (like mine) or just fatigue at the physical strain of the day.

I miss my kid already.

I love you Joe, with all my heart.

Posted by: Pat | June 25, 2009

SoS and other stuff

At the end of March we got a kitten that we named Sadie.  Sadie was only 4 weeks old — she and her sibs had a mother that for some reason had just stopped feeding the kittens, hissing and swatting at them if they tried to nurse.  So, Sadie came home with me (without having consulted Lisa).

Simba, our 22 lb. male cat welcomed Sadie the same way he did Idgie 3 years ago.  He groomed her, played with her, cuddled with her — he’s such a good big brother.  Idgie and Cedar, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with her and hissed and fissed at her if she dared come anywhere near them.

Anyway, Sadie was barely strong enough to stand and eat food from a dish without her little legs quivering.  We fed her canned kitten food (at the advice of our vet) and actually had to force some in her mouth so that she could figure out what it was.  We had to give her water with an eyedropper for the first few days until she got the hang of drinking water out of a bowl without drowning.  At any given time, she would only stay awake for an hour at a pop before it was nap-time and she’d find a warm spot under someone’s collar, on a lap, or even under the furniture covers to hunker down and nap.  Because she was so little, we confined her to a bathroom at night when we went to bed.  As soon as we put her in there at night, she was quiet and we didn’t hear a thing from her until we got up the next morning.  When she snuggled with me, she’d suckle on my ear lobe and just hold it in her mouth and go to sleep.

She was adorable.

Was.

Sadie has no fear of anything or anybody.  She isn’t just energetic, she is frantic with energy from the time she wakes until it’s time for her next nap.  She is into absolutely everything.  And poor Simba can’t take a nap without her jumping on him, messing with him, and pissing him off.  She grabs hold of the fur on his backside and, as he runs yowling, she goes along for the ride, teeth clamped firmly on his fur.  When I’m in the shower, she runs right in, runs around in the shower playing with the water as it runs down the drain or she sits on the seat in the shower and watches me.  When I’m brushing my teeth, she jumps up on the vanity, into the sink, and bats at my toothbrush as I brush or plays with the stream of water coming out of the faucet.  As I take my morning meds, she jumps up and pulls at the paper cup as I try to drink from it.

Sadie climbs the door casings.  She jumps as high as she can (and this girl gets some SERIOUS air), then clamps onto the door casings with all 4 paws/claws and just hangs there, like a Koala bear.  She takes a running start down the hallway and, as she reaches top speed, launches herself onto the wall and then pushes off with her feet — literally “bouncing off the walls.”

She chews on the cord to my laptop.  She jumps onto the counter in the kitchen where the sink is and bats our poor plant around.  She gets into any sink and acts like she’s digging on the smooth surface (I think she likes the slippery feel), although she doesn’t scratch it.  If there’s any kind of bug, she will climb whatever screen, piece of furniture or other obstacle she needs to in order to get to said bug.  She tightrope-walks across the top of the wrought iron rail which would drop her 10 feet to the floor beneath if she loses her balance.  Every time poor Idgie walks into a room, Sadie chases her right back out for the pure pleasure of watching Idgie run.  At night, Sadie comes into our room, purring loudly, looking for an earlobe to suckle.  If we cover our ears, she just grabs any loose piece of skin (which, at our ages, could be just about anywhere) and begins to suckle.  If we discourage that, she runs back and forth across our bed (meaning our chests, our faces, whatever) in that same frantic style of play.  We often have to put her out of the room and block the cat door coming into the room just so we can get some sleep.

Sadie uses her claws to fish things out of places.  She does this with the litter in the litterbox, leaving a huge pile of litter OUTSIDE the box.  She fishes throat lozenges out of a small container on our headboard, and carries them around the house, batting them around.  Q-tips come out of the trash can, as do toilet paper rolls (we have 3 bathrooms so that’s 3 times the fun).  Of course, there’s the shredded toilet paper, too.

So, last week Lisa was dog-sitting for a friend.  That first night I thought to myself “Sah-weet! I can sprawl across the bed!” so I went to bed looking forward to having the bed all to myself.  About 2:00 or so, Sadie comes in, purring loudly, looking for an earlobe or other fleshy part of the body to suckle.  Like an annoying mosquito, I kept waving her away, to no avail.  After an hour or so, Sadie gave up and just sort of faded into the darkness.  Just as I was drifting back to sleep, I heard the retching.  Then I heard it again.  I reached up, turned on the light, and saw Simba hunched over at the foot of my bed, horking on the bedspread.

Now, understand, cat yak makes ME retch and often Lisa is the one who has to clean it up, while she laughs raucously at my retching.  Without Lisa there, I knew I’d have to clean it up.  So, I steeled myself, went into the bathroom for some toilet paper, and saw that it was shredded all over the place.  I gathered up some shreds, put a huge grin on my face, and went to clean up the cat yak.  Why the grin?  We were watching CSI one night and Sara Sidle was grinning while at the a particularly nasty crime scene — she told her colleage that she’d read that grinning suppresses the gag reflex.  So, there I am, at about 3:00 in the morning, grinning like a fool, cleaning cat puke off my bed.

Completely exhausted from the constant interruption in my sleep, I dropped like a prom dress into my bed again, but lay there tossing and turning for another hour or so until I finally drifted back to sleep…to be awakened a short time later by Idgie pulling the covers from me with her claws.  This his how SHE gets attention.  I’ve always thought it was adorable and, since Sadie has come into our home, Idgie stopped coming into our room with us at night.  So, I was pleased to see her, and told her how much I missed her, and petted her, scratched her behind the ears, everything she asked of me.  But she wouldn’t settle down, which was weird.  After a good half hour or so of trying to drift off only to be nudged by Idgie again I finally realized that the only reason she was there was most likely because all the food dishes were empty.  So, I got up, went to the kitchen and snapped on the light.  The hair on the back of my neck prickled up as I realized I was completely surrounded by the four cats, all looking at me expectantly.  All four dishes were empty, not a morsel to be found and I found myself feeling very unsettled with the position I found myself in — surrounded by four hungry cats.  I scooped food into all four food dishes and went back to the bedroom and promptly blocked any way for the cats to come back into the bedroom.  It was nearly 5:00 and I’d not had much sleep at all.

I tossed and turned for a while longer until I finally dropped back off.  The alarm went off too soon and I lay in bed for another hour and a half before I was able to force myself to get up and start my work day.  I showered, dressed and opened the bedroom door.  I took one step into the hallway and stood stock still, dumbfounded.

The hallway was littered with band-aid wrappers, Q-tips, shredded toilet paper, toiled paper rolls, tissues, and other types of items you’d find in the trash can in the bathroom.  You know the one — the one that was overturned in the spare bathroom.  All the contents of that trashcan were strewn about the hallway, into the living room, and into the kitchen.  In the kitchen I found a 10-12 foot piece of shredded toilet paper — most likely the predecessor of the mess that I’d found a couple of minutes earlier in the bathroom.  I stood there, surveying the mess, and turned to look back down the hall toward my bedroom.

In the half-light of dawn, I could make out something on the floor in the spare bedroom, but wasn’t quite sure what it was.  It seemed rather large and almost looked like it could be a blanket or something.  I walked down the hallway to investigate and, the closer I got, the more convinced I was that it was a blanket.  It seemed brownish and very plush, but an instantaneous thought struck me that we didn’t have any blankets or similar items that fit that sort of description.  I snapped on the light in the spare bedroom and clapped my hand over my mouth as I said “OH MY GOD, SADIE!”

In the room NEXT to the spare bedroom, on an over-the-door hook on the back of the door, I’d had a rabbit coat that I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with.  This was the object laying on the floor in the spare bedroom.  This little kitten had somehow managed to jump up and get that coat off the hook, and had dragged it into the spare bedroom.  Rabbit fur was EVERYWHERE on the carpet.

Behind me, Sadie sat on her haunches, feigning innocence.

She’s damned lucky she’s cute.

SoS?

Spawn of Satan.

And for some reason, the vet keeps telling me that a lobotomy is not an option.  We’ll see about that…

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Speaking of the Spawn of Satan……..

The New York State Senate continues their childish antics.  While two Democrats defected to the Republican side to vote on the leadership, making the Republicans control the chambers with a 32-30 lead, one has since gone back to the Democrat fold, giving the chamber a 50-50 split at 31-31.  They are getting nothing accomplished and are having dueling sessions — the Republicans claiming control and running the show THEY think they own, and the Democrats doing the same.  The governor keeps ordering them back to work even though they’re supposed to be through with this year’s session, but they merely enter the chamber and begin their childish games once again.

For the time being, the courts are refusing to get involved to resolve the leadership situation.  And, because our elected governor stepped down in shame, elevating the Lieutenant Governor to the top spot, we have no Lieutenant Governor to act as a tie-breaker.

One of the defecting Democrats got, as his reward, leadership of the Senate.  Greed.  This man represents his own self-interests and not those of his constituents.

The entire shitty lot of them should be fired.

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In another state, at the state government level, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford falls off the face of the planet for a few days. Nobody, not even his wife and kids know where he is. It’s a minor news blip but nothing more is made of it while he’s MIA.  State government at every level argues and fights over who gets the reins and why.

He resurfaces AFTER a nice trip to Buenos Aires with his mistress.

When news first broke about his mysterious disappearance, first lady Jenny Sanford told The Associated Press she did not know where her husband had gone for the Father’s Day weekend.

Sanford’s announcement came a day after another prominent Republican, Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, apologized to his GOP Senate colleagues after revealing last week that he had an affair with a campaign staffer and was resigning from the GOP leadership.

And what, exactly is with these governors, regardless of party? “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” is the old adage. And I’m thinking this list indicates that our governors need more to do at work!

  • Alabama Governor Don Siegelman (D-AL) found guilty of bribery, mail fraud and obstruction of justice 6/29/2006, sentenced to 88 months.
  • Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Vice president nominee in the 2008 elections. Troopergate — refers to her alleged dismissal of Walt Monegan because he wouldn’t fire State Trooper Mike Wooten, Palin’s ex-brother-in-law. A state personnel board investigation found no wrong-doing.  Other investigations continue.
  • Arizona Governor John Fife Symington III convicted of fraud (1997)
  • Arkansas Governor James Guy Tucker, Jr. (D-AR), convicted of fraud conspiracy (1996)
  • Connecticut Governor John G. Rowland resigned from office during a corruption investigation, and later pleaded guilty in federal court to a one-count with conspiracy to commit mail fraud and tax fraud. He served ten months in a federal prison followed by four months house arrest ending in June, 2006.
  • Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) charged with conspiracy to commit mail, wire fraud and solicitation of bribery. He was also accused of “Pay to Play” schemes, including the sale of President Barack Obama’s vacated U.S. Senate seat to the highest bidder. He was impeached and removed from office (January 28, 2009)
  • Illinois Governor George H. Ryan (R-IL) illegal sale of government licenses and contracts as Secretary of IL State. Convicted (2006)
  • Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards (D-LA) convicted of extortion (2000)
  • New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy (D-NJ) Resigned from office 11/15/07 after admitting his homosexuality and the inappropriate appointment of his alleged male-sex partner to a government paid office.(2004)
  • Oklahoma Governor David Walters (D-OK) pleaded guilty to misdemeanor election law violation (1993)
  • New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson(D-NM) withdraws his bid to be President-Elect Obama’s Commerce Secretary due to an investigation by a federal grand jury into how a California company that contributed to Richardson’s political activities won a New Mexico transportation contract worth more than $1 million (January 4, 2009)
  • Ohio Governor Bob Taft (R-OH) pleads no contest and is convicted on four first-degree misdemeanor ethics violations (2005)
  • West Virginia Governor Arch A. Moore Jr(R) guilty of mail fraud, tax fraud, extortion and obstruction of justice, (1990)

As my friend RL says — if their lips are moving, they’re lying.

Posted by: Pat | June 12, 2009

NY State Senate

I got this over at Facebook, thought I’d pass it along:

I’m sure by now most of you may have heard already about the situation in the State Senate. However, I’m going to present a brief recap for the sake of clarity.

Monday afternoon some time around 3:45, Republican members of the state senate initiated a reorganization vote, which is what you do when control of a legislative body has changed hands. Two former Democrats, Hiram Monserrate of Queens and Pedro Espada of Brooklyn, joined the Republicans to ostensibly give them control of the chamber.

Approximately an hour later, Malcolm Smith issued a statement asserting that the reorganization vote was illegal, and that he was still the valid Majority Leader, on the grounds that the session had already been closed when the vote took place, making it theater rather than binding.

Currently, the State Senate is still under Democratic control. However, until this situation is resolved, it’s effectively brought all business to a standstill. Yes, that includes urgent items like the spending bills. And we don’t know how this will end up, or when.

If the names Hiram Monserrate and Pedro Espada seem familiar to you, it’s probably because they’ve been in the news a little bit. Espada is under investigation for an estimated $60,000 in campaign finance “irregularities,” (nudge, wink) as well as using his non-profit healthcare organizations for campaign purposes, and possibly attempting to defraud state government to the tune of $2 million dollars. (See Tuesday’s NY Times article.)

Monserrate is, in fact, actually already under indictment for slashing his girlfriend in the face with a broken glass, requiring 20 stitches. The minute that either of them is convicted, they automatically lose their seat, and are replaced in a special election.

You could certainly be forgiven for being baffled why we even let these two guys in the door in the morning. The short answer is because having them there allowed the State Senate majority to get things done, and because neither of them was going to survive the next election. That said, I’ve talked to people on the inside and they are very adamant that the Democratic leadership is not inclined to turn over control of the chamber based on the actions of two criminals who had been exiled from the party.

But Monserrate and Espada aren’t the only players in this event–as it turns out, billionaire and ostensible ex-New Yorker Tom Golisano and his lieutenant Steve Pigeon were the major movers behind setting up the deal in the first place. This seems idiotic to me, given the fact that Golisano is putting back into power some of the same people he tried to get thrown out of office last year, but I can’t speak to Golisano’s motivations. Fortunately he already has, stating that he did it because Malcolm Smith fiddled with his Blackberry during a meeting.

(http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/dailypolitics/2009/06/smith-a-victim-of-bad-blackber.html)

At the moment, the issue is being fought over in Albany and on all the political blogs. So what can the rest of us do in this situation? Get the word out. This fight is going to be decided mostly on public opinion, and most people don’t know the story behind Monserrate and Espada.

Posted by: Pat | June 5, 2009

Rant

Yep, I go for months without saying much, if anything, then I come back with both barrels on a rant.

My rant is about “Christians.”  It’s not about Christianity or real Christians, it’s about pseudo-Christians or, as we like to call them, Cafeteria Christians.

What is a Cafeteria Christian you ask?  I suppose there’s no real definition and the term is loosely used by many people to mean many things but, in its simplest definition, it indicates someone who identifies as Christian, and who “preaches” Christian values, but doesn’t actually LIVE Christian values themselves.  As one would do in a buffet line, they pick and choose what Christian values they will live as opposed to what they expect OTHERS to live.

There’s nothing better to get the Cafeteria Christians to come out of the woodwork in force than the topic of Gay and Lesbian rights and, more specifically, same-sex marriage.  Any time an article on this topic appears in our local rag, the Cafeteria Christians (and non-Christian morons) are all over it with their condemnations, judgments, vitriole and hatred.

TN I love it when people take a stand for something and are completely and utterly wrong on the issue, but they keep appealing it and saying they won’t give up…Its really ashame when they could just say I…Oh wait…I guess I’m wrong and a big fat moron maybe I should actually reconsider my beliefs..
DM at 4:26pm June 4
Oh!! Like the time you believed with all your heart you were stronger than me and you could take me…. you were utterly wrong then…Seriously, look at my guns timmy…I am obviously stronger than you and we all know the last time we fought I threw you off our balcony. Just admit your wrong and a big fat moron…do it!!

Me at 4:36pm June 4

Ah, but grasshopper, appealing things is part of the American Justice and Civil Law systems. To condemn people for their beliefs? VERY un-Christian.

DM at 8:43pm June 4

Pat,ur a main contributor to why this country is headed down the crapper. Hate the christians, take God out of everything and follow obama towards marxism. Our great nation has flourished for over 200 yrs but then people like you come along and stand firm in beliefs and a lifestyle that is just plain wrong. Call me un-christian if you want but come judgement day don’t say I didn’t warn you. You can now officially say that someone has condemned you for your beliefs. Before now you were just looking for a fight and a reason to take a shot at a christian. Well here is your fight, come get some. I’m getting really sick of people like you who want everyone else to accept their lifestyle and call those who don’t close minded but you wont look at things our way so your just as “close minded”. But i know whats really going on here, instead of intelligently thinking about things realizing your wrong you just attack christians and hope no one realizes your the one that is the close minded fool.

TN at 10:31pm June 4

Thanks Darren…Its nice to know that I have a 6″2″ 79lb powerhouse like you watching my back…lol. I really see know point in arguing or name calling no one ever changes anybodys mind by arguing. Although I do see the point in what your saying and share in your frustrations sometimes. Personal attacks do nothing anyways.

TN at 10:49pm June 4

Anyways…..Pat….I never mentioned anything about condemnation. I don’t condemn people or would never try to. People condemn themselves through their actions. Also, You don’t even know the context for which I wrote the comment. appealing these laws through the courts is completely unconstitutional. It is Congress who makes the laws and the courts who interrpret them. It is ridiculous to have courts changing the laws. There are no checks and balances and basically the judicial branch is running the country. I’m off topic…I guess what I”m trying to say is, There are things that are right…and there are things that are wrong…People will do anything to justify their actions and even if they do get a law passed that supports their lifestyle or agenda it really doesn’t matter. Its ultimately pointless because the only laws that last are the laws of God and His laws are immutable and everlasting. You can believe or disbelieve…but in the end…the facts are the facts.

Me at 9:24am June 5

I would challenge both of you to read your Bible and either live by the word of God completely, or not at all. This picking and choosing what parts of the Bible you will live by is what tends to open you up for criticism. And Darren? If my marriage or my existence is causing this country to go down the crapper, I hate to break it to you, it was headed that way before 2004. Perhaps you can put forth some FACT about how homosexuality is putting the country into the crapper, rather than stridently spouting your opinion or belief as fact. TN? I still love you — and can’t WAIT to see the little one when he enters the world (that’s apparently going down the crapper).

First “TN” says that anyone who stands by their beliefs and dares to appeal any sort of judgment is a big fat moron. But that’s not being judgmental or condemning someone for their beliefs? THEN “TN” says that appealing to a higher court is unconstitutional. I’m thinking that he never bothered to take a basic civics class in college, or he’d know the basics of law and justice in this country. You know, the part where there are THREE branches of government — the Executive Branch (which is the President, VP and cabinet), Legislative Branch (which consists of Congress and the Senate) and the Judicial Branch (which interprets and applies the laws).

As is very common, “DM” goes into attack mode, and states as fact his own opinions.  These types are pretty much not worth the time trying to debate with because their thinly veiled hatred is what typically drives them and they don’t want to debate — only insult, slam, and feel superior.  I thanked him for proving my point nicely.

But it’s this very sort of ignorance that has thrived on a larger scale and has deprived citizens of this country of basic human rights — isn’t that unconstitutional?  What does “TN” have to say about the fact that Proposition 8, in California, LITERALLY revoked a RIGHT granted to a group of people?  I’m tempted to remind “TN” that just four short decades ago, his parents’ marriage would have been illegal and, as a product of a bi-racial union, his OWN marriage would be illegal were it not for people standing firm in their beliefs and appealing bad rulings to the highest court in the nation.

The three branches of government were formed by the founding fathers in order to prevent “tyranny of the majority” and “oppression of the minority.”  If this country is headed into the crapper, it’s because basic human rights are being suppressed by pseudo-religous zealots who are acting out of hate rather than true Christian values.

Who says that marriage is a basic human right?  The Supreme Court of the United States of America issued that statement 42 years ago in Loving v. Virginia.

And then there’s the whole declaration of “unconstitutional” by “TN.”  I would wonder what he has to say with regard to Article IV, Section I of the United States Constitution which says:

Full faith and credit shall be given in each state to the public acts, records, and judicial proceedings of every other state. And the Congress may by general laws prescribe the manner in which such acts, records, and proceedings shall be proved, and the effect thereof.

So, if same-sex marriage is legal in one state, then CONSTITUTIONALLY it must be recognized as valid in the other 49 states.  This makes “TN’s” own marriage “portable;” that is, it’s legal in other than the state in which he married.  Or, should Alabama be allowed to go back to dictating that because TN’s parents’ union violated Alabama state law, TN’s biracial status automatically invalidates his own union as long as he is in the state of Alabama?  If “TN’s” marriage were invalidated based solely on the fact that he is bi-racial, would he sit back and just accept that invalidation, feeling that to appeal it would make him a “big fat moron?”  I think not.

Biblical teachings aside, I can assure TN and DM that there’s nothing they can do about homosexuality.  They can call it a “lifestyle choice” if they want (because it’s a form of denial) but the reality is that, no matter how much they oppose it and no matter how much religion they spew at it, it’s going to be around as long as human beings are around.  It’s hard-wired (even though THEY prefer to believe it’s not) and they need only look at EVERY SINGLE SPECIES on this planet to find homosexuality as a natural part of life.  We are ALL God’s children and if they believe that man is made in God’s image, then don’t they rail against God Himself when the rail against homosexuals?

Posted by: Pat | May 21, 2009

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

Adam Lambert didn’t win American Idol.

Now, I’m sure that SCREAMING he does might be sexy in between the sheets but I found absolutely nothing likeable about it when he sang.  Hopefully he’ll go back to being a drag queen and we won’t hear any more from him.  But I suppose the reality is that’s not likely.

And here’s the thing — the guy DOES have a great voice.  He has great control, a great range, all of it.  But that SCREAMING is SUCH a turn-off!  Steven Tyler wannabe.

I liked Kris Allen almost from the beginning.  I have to confess to having liked Danny a bit more than Kris early on, but as the competition progressed, I decided I liked Kris the best of all.  Cool, assured, in great control, great range, a good, well-rounded singer.

It’s just too bad he had to sing with scream-boy.

I’d buy an album from him, without hesitation.  But I’d likely give a go to anything put out by Danny Gokey, Allison Iraheta, Anoop Desai and, believe it or not, depending on the style of music, Megan Joy.

In the past, we’ve purchased albums by only two of the seven American Idol winners — Carrie Underwood and Jordin Sparks.  We tend to view the “losers” as winners more — having purchased albums by Clay Aiken (3), Kimberly Locke, Josh Gracin, Bo Bice, Chris Daughtry, and David Archuleta.  Apparently my (our) taste for music isn’t in line with “America has voted.”

A new voting record was set also this season, with just under 100 MILLION votes being cast.  I remember when they were pleased with a bit more than 30 million in season 2.

In all, even though I didn’t watch the first season, I’d have to say that this season brought forth more talent in the top 12 than any other season and I wouldn’t be surprised to see more of Danny, Allison and Anoop.

Posted by: Pat | May 12, 2009

Payin’ the piper

I’m sure you’ve heard that old expression “it’s time to pay the piper.”  I suppose that phrase’s meaning is arguable, as well as it’s origin, but to me it means that when you indulge yourself in something, anything, there’s a price to pay.  Or, it could also mean that for every action, there’s a consequence.

(San Diego, California) California LGBT activists are rebuffing a bid by San Diego developer Doug Manchester to end a boycott of two of his hotels in San Diego over his support for Proposition 8, the measure which bans same-sex marriage in California.

Manchester owns the Manchester Grand Hyatt and the San Diego Marriott Hotel and Marina.

Last year he donated $125,000 to Protect Marriage, the group behind the ballot measure.

A group called Californians Against Hate immediately launched a boycott of Manchester’s properties. The boycott has resulted in several groups canceling conventions at the hotels – costing Manchester’s facility an estimated $2 million.

Among those who bailed out of meeting at the hotel are conventions for the International Foundation of Employee Benefits, the San Diego Board of Realtors, the American Assn. of Law Schools and the California Nurses Association.

Several months ago, The San Diego Union-Tribune reports, with loss of business at the hotels mounting, Manchester sought the help of Los Angeles public relations specialist Howard Bragman, a gay man who married had his partner last year and fought Prop. 8.

Now Manchester wants to donate an equal amount of money – $125,000 – to California LGBT groups in return for an end to the boycott. The money, The Union-Tribune reports, would be used by the groups to hold meetings and fundraisers at his hotels.

Californians Against Hate dismissed the attempted settlement, saying the boycott will continue.

“He is clearly trying to buy his way out of this, and it will not work,” spokesperson Fred Karger told the paper in an e-mail.

“Their proposal is a real slap in the face to the gay community and to all fair-minded people who believe in equality and support full civil rights for all gays and lesbians,” Karger said.

After Prop 8 passed last November, a legal challenge was mounted. The California Supreme Court is expected to issue a ruling on the constitutionality of the vote any day.

Now, this guy apparently doesn’t get the concept that nobody has ever figured out how to put toothpaste back INTO the tube and, as such, his donation did it’s damage and there’s nothing he can do to UNdo the terrible damage that Proposition 8 and all its supporters did back in November. It’s now up to the courts.

It’s important for any of you out there reading this to understand that, while political differences can and will occur, voting or supporting a position just based solely on the party line is dangerous.

I don’t condemn anyone for their religious beliefs. While viewing the position as woefully ignorant, I don’t condemn anyone who believes that same-sex marriage should not be allowed. But, if you’re going to contribute money to a hateful law, and you own a business, you have to expect that your business could suffer for your decision, as this man has found.

But throwing money at the problem doesn’t solve it — it’s like putting a band-aid on a brain tumor. The only way this guy is ever going to have any credibility with the LGBT community in the future is to openly and frequently denounce Proposition 8 and spend MORE money (not an equal amount) to fight the hate that he supported.

But that’s just me.

Posted by: Pat | May 11, 2009

All’s quiet…

Yeah, all’s quiet at our house, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good thing.

I drove the kids to Buffalo this morning for their flight back home to Colorado. I was actually pretty good right up to the point when little Ethan wrapped his little arm around my leg and said “I love you Gramma Pat!” That’s when I started swallowing watermelons. Didn’t want the little ones to see me cry, so I choked back the tears, hugged and kissed Ethan (and he let me!), hugged and kissed little Brandon and chatted with him for a minute about how much I enjoyed his visit. Hugged and kissed Linda and big Brandon, and watched the airport swallow them up as they entered the building.

By the time I reached the airport exit, I was blubbering with tears streaming down my face.

I wish they didn’t live so far away. I ADORE the little ones but I SO enjoyed having Linda and Brandon around, too.

I was glad it was more than an hour’s drive back because it gave me time to compose myself — so I drove not home, but to work. What the heck — didn’t want to go home to that empty, quiet house. Soon enough I’ll have to but not right now.

Posted by: Pat | May 6, 2009

Out of practice

We’ve been pretty busy but for the most part, I’ve been uninspired to keep up with the blog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Rodger. I’m lazy. So sue me.

Anyway, my younger daughter, her husband and the two boys are here for a visit. Their flight was due in (in Buffalo) Monday night at around 11:00 PM but it was delayed by 2½ hours so we didn’t get home until just about 3:00 AM yesterday morning. Dog-assed tired, I plopped into bed, only to realize I was too tired to fall asleep easily. I finally drifted off but at 8:00 I was wide awake.

The boys got up just shortly after Lisa and I did — maybe around 8:30 or so. Mom and Dad got up a bit later. Our day started too soon, given the short amount of sleep we’d had. Everyone but the boys, that is.

Linda and Brandon had to go to the mall to pick up some stuff and I told them they could leave the boys with me. We took a walk down the street to the area where the railroad tracks are and waited for a train. We only waited a couple of minutes before the lights began to flash and the gate started to descend. I pointed out a crack in the road about 50 feet from the tracks and told the boys that was as close as they could get. They stood firmly rooted and watched with unabashed amazement as the train roared by. Ethan covered his ears.

We mosied back home, Ethan taking the time to step on and disintegrate every dried up dead worm he saw in the gutters (and there were plenty). We got out the sidewalk chalk when we got home and the boys played quietly, drawing whatever fanciful creatures their little minds could conjure up.

They both wanted to go inside after a while, so I got out the big bucket of Legos for them, and they sat quietly together “building.”

As I sat and watched them, an unpleasant smell assailed my nostrils. My first instinct was that one of the cats had shit on the carpet or something. But then I realized that unholy stench was coming from my 2½ year old grandson.

“Ethan, did you poop?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to change your diaper?”
“No.”
Little Brandon interjects, “But Ethan you stink really bad.”
“NO!”

I let the little stinker play for a few minutes but found I couldn’t just sit there with that godawful smell coming from that child. Just as I was about to insist that he let me change his diaper, he says “I want my diaper changed.” Great!

I go on the hunt in the kids’ bedroom to get a diaper, but can’t find them anywhere. I look in suitcases, but no diapers.

“Ethan, do you know where mommy put your diapers?”
“No.”
“Brandon, do YOU know?”
“No.”

*sigh*

“Ethan, did mommy put your diapers in your backpack?”
“Yes.”

Reminding myself that they’re just little kids, I refrain from the snide comment that wants to burst forth from my lips, locate Ethan’s backpack, and find the motherlode of diapers.

I remove Ethan’s jeans, and can see through the diaper that the foulness I had smelled was the result of a mega-shit that had been quite loose and runny, and had gone up the front of his diaper and completely up his back. *gag*

Breathing through my mouth so the stench doesn’t assault my brain or my stomach, I set about the task of cleaning the little tyke. Wipe after wipe after wipe piled up on the dirty diaper until I was satisfied that he was as clean as I could get him without taking the hose to him. I wrap the dozen or so wipes inside the nasty diaper, roll it all up and tape it together.

“Ethan, how about if you stand up so I can get your pants back on you?”
“Okay.” He stands.

I hold his jeans out for him, and he holds onto my shoulder and sticks one foot into the jeans. I work it through until it’s out the bottom of the jeans and then hold it for the second leg to go in. He lifts his leg, inserts it into the jeans, while I prattle on and on about what a big boy he’s getting to be.

I start to pull the waistband of the jeans up so that they come around his waist, but find resistance. Still prattling on, I tug a bit harder. Then harder. The child is giving me an odd look as I tug as hard as I can to get those jeans to come up.

Then I look down and see two feet sticking out of one pants leg. And I begin to crack up, laughing uncontrollably while that 2 year old, with all seriousness, gives me a look that suggests the thought, “You can’t really be this fucking stupid, can you?” which sends me into repeated gales of laughter.

OK, so I’m a bit out of practice.

Can’t wait to see what today will bring.

And now, for your viewing pleasure……….

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